Klagelied für ein lachërn

i had a so good experience this weekend, i played a private concert for a birthday party in kiel. a young group of people, they really took care of me, took me by train there, and pay me 300eur. better than many shitty festivals and venues from berlin!! (ah… berlin, how badly you take care of your musicians…)

right before starting the concert they were outside singing a german birthday song, so i recorded a little with my phone, and made this song to them. klagelied für ein lachërn

ey guys! if you thread me so good, i will be better in return! thanks christine!

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today sr. kirsanovs has bought my last recording in my digital store paying double. everyday i wake up and i have a buyer from argentina or southafrica… musical industry totally collapsed years ago, and even if in my site you can listen all music for free, but people buy it. because music lovers like to support music too. and people like this guy, press the button “pay more”, and don’t pay the 9€ that it costs, but 18€!!! isn’t it beautiful?? i’m so thankful to all people that are supporting my music. they are part of it´s development!

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i just could not resist… i stopped learning the gavotte et doubles, because i listened john farah playing in a rehearsal, the sarabanda from english suite n2 of j.s.bach… oh! i just could not take it out of my head, out of my dick. what a beautiful girl, what a smell of sweet fruits and rotten melon. for three days i have been locked in a room with this music, making sex, pure and abstract physical sex. there can be anything more beautiful and sad than this open legged sarabanda?

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dilletants also feel true love

last week i learned to play la livri of rameau, the piece for which i started playing harpsichord… for someone like me, who never even took a piano lesson, to undertake to play these music pieces –which i am so in love to–, is like… like… if you could spend one night with the most beautiful girl you see in the street (with their consent and approval, of course).

this week i started learning rameau’s gavotte et doubles, one of the most simply sad and beautiful music pieces of the universe …i just saw her passing by, the gavotte was dressed with a plain t-shirt, that would let you intuit her nipples, bristling because of a slight cold draft. i just put my sad face, like “poor me, i don’t dare to say hello”. then she seated by my side, just pointing north with her hard nipples… like a compass that points the way forward. i followed her to the end of the world, that turned to be her apartment, and there we made doubles during the hole week-end-of-the-world.

this music really makes me feel loved. loved for beautifulness.

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The song that thought it was never to be sung

this song thought it self that it was never ever going to be played or sung. that was a certainty for it. but then, as it gets aware, meanwhile it’s being singed in front of an audience for the first time, that it’s actually being played, omg, the song moans:

is for real, you are singing me for real?

being finally sung should be cause of joy, but the song is meant to be played only once, so as it starts, it realizes it has only 9 minutes of life, being alive means to be dying. that’s why this song is so sad. ahá. qué bonito y qué triste david, hijo mío…

it’s just a rehearsal i recorded at home…

here you can download it safely (there’s a small “download” in the left). enjoy!

i composed and performed this song for 2015 The saddest song in the world contest at roten salon`s volksbuhne in berlin. it was performed once, the song won the contest, then it died, in front of a crowded venue… like in a Roman circus, devoured by the monster of one-thousand heads that is the audience.

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frankenstein and me and the monster of onethousand heads

my father makes songs since i can remember, some of them, 30 years later, can be still sung by memory by thousands of spanish speakers. he was for hours inside his room. door locked. playing guitar and singing. i’m not able to do a normal song intro, verse, chorus, verse…  i’m totally unable! no way. i’ve tried since i was a child. no way dad.

i spent these last 10 days trying to compose a song for “the saddest song in the world contest”. it was at mythical volksvuehne theater in berlin. i had to work hard (i do it even if i play in a keller!). but i suffered, there was no way to find it, to trap it! to hunt the song!! the structure keep growing and growing, i had to draw a map of this frankenstein,


Sad structure of a song


heads pooping up everywhere, i thought i would never govern it.

during yesterday’s evening i felt very insecure, i knew the responsible of music program was around, i wanted to play there since i know it. i was trembling sometimes. but i didn’t dare to approach him. once everything was finished, a fucking crowded venue decided that i was the winner, wtf!! the audience (that monster of one-thousand heads) connected with my frankenstein. mama!! i won! …it’s so weird, so many lonely days facing this freak-song, my own demons, and then a couple of hours surrounded by a crowd spelling your name. this is so crazy, but beautiful.

it seems i will play a full concert there. that would be my joy of child. but what i appreciate most, what really touched me… is that the sound technician approached me, and said my shit works and sounds like charm. that he had never seen something like that before. fuck!! fuck! fuck!! hey! these guys have seen everything!! if they say it, i must believe i am becoming a fucking musician. i must cry a river. i’m so insecure. so insecure…

thank you johanna for inviting me here and making this happen!!

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after 10 days of struggling, trying to compose “the saddest song of the world” feeling i was composing bullshit, being sure that nobody would ever connect with my piece. feeling i was not able to create a shit. but suddenly …today i’ve seen a fucking filled roten salon auditorium connecting deeply with my shit. what a joy that people connects with my suffering. can you believe that?! mamaaaa i won the first price!!!

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out of axis

out of axis is a very interesting initiative just being launched in UK, that was originally born in brazil (Fora do Eixoo), years ago. it’s a independent network formed by musicians and bands, that allows artists to play sold out concerts across a whole country (brazil, and now UK). how it works: if you have a fan base at your hometown as a music band, you will invite, take care of and help to promote a show for a band from another town. in return, this band will do the same for you later at their hometown. allowing this way to establish a self-managed and alternative network of gigs. very interesting!

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rameau’s distant nefew and the bones of sound

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human, all too human

j.s.bach spent all his life and his 200+ cantatas trying to communicate with god, trying to portray the divine … but he failed miserably. because what he did –prelude after prelude after sonata after suite after cantata– was actually to portray the human. there is nothing divine in his music, nothing from another world. his music hurts so much, because everything in it is human, all too human.

the same happens with the rigid architecture of his compositions; each of his pieces are pure form, an equation that always resolves by itself, which doesn’t even requires to be formulated. pure maths. patterns and formulas… however, using such a rigid and formal shape he was able to distillate every from of bliss and human suffering. he dried the human being, drop by drop.

all his work is a giant musical encyclopedia of human passions, dissected and displayed each one of them in jars filled with formalin, with their sticked labels, sorted and rigorously placed by their scientific names, with their hundreds of variations and different meanings assorted.

bach prodded us with a pin in his collection of rare insects, and he left away with his butterfly net.

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my cd is being recommended in bandcamp! isn’t that fantastic? :D


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today ecce cello was sounding in teatro piccolo de milano. my beloved colleague rossy de palma used one of my pieces for her performance. somehow, as a wave that spreads on the water, tonight i also received a very important mail. finally someone answered, did care about. connected. it’s been many years struggling each day in the streets, preparing every single detail of ecce cello, every tiny little pinky dusty particle. before i contact the people that matters, i wanted to have ALL ready.

this last two months, after i finished my new cd (hey!! i composed, recorded, mixed, produced, designed the cover and did the pictures!!), i made a new website, the 2 min. video and the institute-UA. i decided i was prepared, it was time to launch. let’s move our ass!! everyday i spend hooouuurrrsss researching the internet and trying to contact the right people, and capture their attention! that’s a tough work.

i still don’t dare to open the mail, but hey, i received it. that’s enough. the act of being heard was fulfilled, isn’t that wonderful?? isn’t that enough? what does it matter what the mail says?? maybe it will bring new and unexpected opportunities, maybe just a bunch of nice words and wishes… what does it matters?? when the sun finally shines… does it actually matter what time is it, where you are, how much it will last…?? fucking enjoy it and shut the mobile up!
i am so condemned happy.

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you are part of it, you are producing it

today i sold 3 CDs in my online store. bandcamp, the fantastic service i use, allows you to listen by free the hole music, not only a part. but people pays, why? because this way they become part of your music. hey, i produced myself these two ecce cello’s recordings from scratch, and i didn´t do crowfunding or whatever, i advanced the money, and offer to you a finished result, if you like it, and you pay for it, you are backing me, you are producing it.

one of those purchases was specially meaningful, as it was the physical cd, not only download. people is starting to buy the physical cd from holland, austria… that almost makes me cry. i have to pack them, go to the post office. it’s fucking romantic.

thank youuuuuuu

another get physical CD order!! you don’t know how happy you can do a musician by supporting his music this way. :D

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now it’s time to move my ass (from the video-editing chair, to the chair to book gigs…)

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