Co.david fernández

in russia there is a tradition of leaving food as an offering to the dead in the cemeteries. I read in the newspaper that they have kidnapped, killed and burned three chinese girls who stole the food in a russian cemetery. by they how actual political and general situation is in rusia, and in the world in general, it follows that if you steal food to live people you get rich. if you steal from the dead you get killed.

i feel so insecure. so much. suddenly i am weak. i had so much strength these last years, for going out everyday to the street to play, to fight for my sound. weak. all is just gone. as if i had never had it. feel so insecure for every step i take. maybe insecurity, like shyness, comes when you pay too much attention to your self. i felt better during the winter, playing outside at 2 celsius. spring just brought me fear.

today i watched the flowers of war.

if you are in a country like germany, and can’t watch this or other youtube videos, just write “proxy youtube” in google, copy and paste the link of the video. y chin pún.

tomorrow i will be there. the viola concerto of alfred schnittke! finally, a concert of one of my most beloved compossers. love love love!
in the video the great viola player yuri bashmet, to whom the composition was dedicated. in the minute 6:10 we can listen one of those hyper-lyrical maddening moments only alfred is able to create.

rob karpay, a young composer from new york. his cello concerto has some memorable moments.

finally i am going out from another shadow’s time. the sun finally showed up in berlin 10 days ago, but inside my self is barely starting to show up now. there’s nothing like finding the music that sings that shadow, to listen to it again and again, like missing and saying goodbye to that darkness that passes away.
Guy Bovet – Saint Mayeul et Saint Odilon

alfred schnittke dedicated this sonata to this beast-lady. neither she wears wig nor she is mad. she is like this. the most russian sound on any bow. bravo for gutman.

without question the best website to learn and practice music theory.

Vielleicht ist alles Schreckliche im tiefsten Grunde das Hilflose, das von uns Hilfe will.

Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our help.” r.m.rilke

now completely listeneable “sunless” from ecce cello in spotify, and also abailable in the fucking itunes store.

only 3 years ago i was getting 10.000€ for a single performance of my work (of course, i used all that money to pay production, technicians, performers, …and then me). now i have to go begging to the bar owners to ask them let me play… they don’t even guaranty a minimum fee, of course. and you must be thankful to pass after the hut. but i am the same!! i keep working 12 hours day, investigating and compromised with the time i live in. and when i have an incoming concert, even if it’s in a tiny bar, i work the same like when i performed in front of 3.000 people, and i get the same nervous. and i put the same. the s-a-m-e-.

it’s ok. this is a time of my life i have to go thru, i have a lot of things to learn. and i am in the way to. but sometimes i just can’t stand these people who don’t even bother to check what you’ve done. where you come from. people who won’t even answer the mails… whose only worry is that you don¡t play too loud. little kingdoms of dust and warm beer. puaj! i prefer to play in the street. the sun is peeking in berlin!! spring is coming!!!

i see so often this stick. today i was over my bike, minus 3 degrees, after having woken up at 7 in the morning to go to my german lessons. and it felt like shit. always that i see it feels like shit. but i understand it.

i simply thought i would never finish this video. at the beginning i only wanted to make some light adjustments. but suddenly all these characters wanted to come out, and the swan wanted to die one thousand ways… i just couldn’t say no. more than 150 hours of work, and i had no idea of fucking animation. after making this video, i am aware i can do whatever i want.