never end recording loop history

i started recording my new cd recording in January 2013. I dedicated at least 5 months full day job to produce it. one moth ago I had finally all tracks one after another, as they were going to be in the cd, all of them prepared for mastering. I listened to the music for the first time out of the studio, in my bike with the headphones. the result was katastrophal. I decided to cancel everything. I won’t release this shit. only 3 or 4 pieces will remain from the original 15. so now I am redefining all my approach to music and composition. I have to find a new sound, this fake classical semi-virtuous loop thing I have been doing ’till now is simply dead. it hurts, but I must continue ahead, I am afraid there might not be something else than what I did, but I must take the risk and give it a try, my next concert in france will be a good opportunity for it. hopefully I have still some money left, and I can focus and spend 10 hours day playing and experimenting.

something inside of me (hope) tells me I will succeed in this struggle, but something outside (despair) shows me I won’t, that I will end up my days working in pizza delivering.

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rameau’s distant nefew: eating animals

if you want to go directly to the music, go to minute 3:50.
this is one of the most beautiful and bestial musics i’ve ever played, dedicated to one of the subjects that has ruled my life since i have use of reason.

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computer back

since i realized of the power of new mobile devices, i totally switched from the complexity and infinite layering of performing with computers, to the simplicity of mobile devices. it’s been almost 5 years that i totally substituted computers for them in my live performances… over stage there’s never confusion. turn them on, and they work. but yesterday i decided to go back. somehow, i think, despite fast evolution and efforts of the app’s developers, that there’s a general lack of quality. also the limitations of the mobile devices –that were at the beginning an advantage– are putting the fences too close and tight. i am going to give it a try to ableton and max/msp again.
always that i am nervous i use technology to distract myself from the important matters. i hope this time it’s not this way.

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25 minutes

it really takes me great efforts to get concentrated. 6 months ago i started to put each 20 minutes, so i could concentrate in a given subject (like studying cello vibrato), but without feeling that an endless time of tedious actions was ahead of me. then i realized there’s something called “pomodoro technique” which proposes periods of 25 minutes of work, followed by little pauses of 5 minutes. ahá.

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willy moon is the name of the fucking kid

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thanks fusion team

fusion festival in lärz always amazes me.

it’s a huge festival with almost 90.000 people, totally self-managed and independent, but so well organized… each artist has it’s driver and transport, stage manager, producer, audio-engineer from the festival. fusion don’t pay you good, but you get so well threated in return, that it’s totally worthy and great experience.

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i just learned some days ago this new word, and it was like i recognized myself instantly.

Dilettante: A person who cultivates an area of interest, such as the arts, without real commitment or knowledge.

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i am the king of the lazy


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serial lover

rehearsing at home the piece that will open my next cd release. this is a very demanding piece which i still don’t dare to play live. but that day i played it decently! i was lucky. 20 years playing cello, and i don’t have a reliable technique yet. even if i keep studying… one day i have to talk about my german cello master, my dear ladislav.

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today it’s been a so beautiful sunny day in berlin. I have seen it thru my window. I even opened it and took a look to the street… I could spend a hole week at home. not going out. seeing no one. expecting no one to ring here. this must not be good. long time ago I thought I could be some kind of genius, because I spent so much time alone since I can remember. but I am approaching my forties, and I have already confirmed, not only that I wasn’t a genius or anything special, but on the contrary, I was, as expected, a selfish and scary rat that looks too much to himself, afraid of being touched by the others, on the off chance that I realize I am like them. just one simple guy trying to figure out how to have a nice life. i
t’s to late to mend this. I will get better and bigger windows.

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yesterday i cried a lot watching this video. i discovered tom waits when i was 14. my mother used to listen to him a lot. my mother was not good at that time. my mother cried a lot, my father was gone. so i grow up with his music. latter waits put music to my own dramas. then you get tired of the character, and you discover bach and the classics and forget about mr.waits, but he left a scar on me (watch minute 23:00!!). as keith jarret, chuck D from public enemy and some others. these guys come loaded from the belly of their mothers. what a kind!

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i am finally finishing the mixing of my new cd. i use the software logic. it takes me long hours and days of minimalistic work to correct with the computer all the mistakes i did in the recording sessions… i love music, but i am not a good musician (i know it, because i love music so much to not realize…).
Screen Shot 2014-05-29 at 22.05.31

everybody says that the final sound quality of logic is a crap, so next time i will try cubase or protools. it’s been more than one year doing this cd.  i just want to finish it!! this music already belongs to someone else, i want to go to new territories now. but i always like to finish what i start (that’s a lie, how many times i tried to read “on love” by sthendal, with all that “chrystallization” bullshit?? …i never finish it. no way man.)

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angelica and the conversation of the muses

some years ago i crashed like a comet in angelica liddell’s planet. we met strongly. from her i received the gift of the harpsichord music. she totally transformed it’s meaning for me, turned it’s sound and it’s repertoire into a massive torrent of bullets and strength that i made mine, to survive, to attack,  to defend, to hate and to love. nowadays playing harpsichord fills my day after day. she also helped me to transport this harpsichord with her own hands  from a 4th floor into the van. that was a good adventure. she introduced me to the music of rameau (and the title of these series of videos are inspired by her also), i always wanted to learn this piece to play it to her, i couldn’t make it. instead i play it to her most beloved book, just days before giving it back to her.


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johannes wieland speaks with each one, one by one

his name is johannes wieland, he is the director of staattheater kassel. so what? each time he makes an audition (maybe 1.500 people will apply, and at least 200 will perform in the auditions), each time he organizes an audition, when he tells people not to continue, because they are not what he is looking for, then he speaks ONE by ONE with each person, to tell them why not, and to listen in case they have something to tell to him. ONE by ONE. nobody does that. that gesture makes him one amongst thousands.

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adrian ramos and oriol segarra, spanish film makers

adrian ramos and oriol segarra, spanish filmakers. adorable work!


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