somebody wrote to me, asking why i break bows sometimes while i play. as i had not really thought about it, my response to her served also to my self:
i break a bow always after playing “the son”.
each time i play this piece, the bow “knows” it will be the last piece it will play. it’s not fiction, it’s metamusical. it exceeds the fiction of arts, and presents a new dimension in which real and tangible act imposes itself on the purely musical and abstract.
also there are symbols in the action of breaking a bow. some cello players describe the left hand (playing notes) as the feelings of the music, and the right hand (the bow) as the thoughts or the action of music. i could also say left hand is the mother, right hand is the father. and the son, to find himself, his own voice, must always kill the father. i am the son. i kill him.
more… i come from a very tough background, it hasn’t been easy to get here. there’s a lot of pain in my way. even if my music sometimes sounds peaceful and relaxing, it’s not. it’s full of contradictions and frictions, that’s what it took to make it. all things i made in life, they only got sense once i was break, once the experience itself got to a break point. then everything flows.
last but not least, when i was a teenager i was punk. i felt music as the expression of a deep anger was inside me. that punk background is also on ecce cello… would you ask the guitar player of THE WHO why he broke his first guitar?? it’s rock and roll! there’s no why! they are just animal impulses!
there must be some rock&roll also inside ecce cello… although the truth is first bow i broke, i did because i suffer for not playing as good as i should!
i love music too much it hurts some times.