finally at home. it’s time to rest, to cure from a tough year. at my mom’s in madrid i have all my belongings. my italian harpsichord, my hi-end stereo, all my music cds. this is paradise, here i can heal, get strong for next year, prepare my music and my next cd release, 2014 is the year of ecce cello. i have to take it out of the streets and put it in the concert halls. wtf. today i was listening to the singer fischer-dieskau (he died just 2 years ago in berlin) singing my favorite kindertoten lieders. meanwhile i listened i was reading the lirycs, and i cried as a three horses together. a warm sword through me from top to bottom. i can not feel what’s to have a child like. but half an hour ago i could feel the surface of what that lost may mean. thru the pain of this lost, i reached a little glimpse of what the love for a son can be.

Nun seh’ ich wohl, warum so dunkle Flammen
Ihr sprühtet mir in manchem Augenblicke,
O Augen!
Gleichsam um voll in einem Blicke
Zu drängen eure ganze Macht zusammen.
Doch ahnt’ ich nicht, weil Nebel mich umschwammen,
Gewoben vom verblendenden Geschicke,
Dab sich der Strahl bereits zur Heimkehr schicke,
Dorthin, von wannen alle Strahlen stammen.

Ihr wolltet mir mit eurem Leuchten sagen:
Wir möchten nah dir bleiben gerne,
Doch ist uns das vom Schicksal abgeschlagen.
Sieh uns nur an, denn bald sind wir dir ferne!
Was dir nur Augen sind in diesen Tagen,
In künft’gen Nächten sind es dir nur Sterne.

Now I see well why with such dark flames
your eyes sparkled so often.
O eyes!
It was as if in one full glance
you could concentrate your entire power.
Yet I did not realize – because mists floated about me,
woven by blinding fate –
that this beam of light was ready to be sent home
to that place whence all light come.
You would have told me with your brilliance:
we would gladly have stayed near you!
But it is refused by Fate.
Just look at us, for soon we will be far!
What to you are eyes in these days –
in future nights shall be stars.

About david fernández

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