my father makes songs since i can remember, some of them, 30 years later, can be still sung by memory by thousands of spanish speakers. he was for hours inside his room. door locked. playing guitar and singing. i’m not able to do a normal song intro, verse, chorus, verse… i’m totally unable! no way. i’ve tried since i was a child. no way dad.
i spent these last 10 days trying to compose a song for “the saddest song in the world contest”. it was at mythical volksvuehne theater in berlin. i had to work hard (i do it even if i play in a keller!). but i suffered, there was no way to find it, to trap it! to hunt the song!! the structure keep growing and growing, i had to draw a map of this frankenstein,
heads pooping up everywhere, i thought i would never govern it.
during yesterday’s evening i felt very insecure, i knew the responsible of music program was around, i wanted to play there since i know it. i was trembling sometimes. but i didn’t dare to approach him. once everything was finished, a fucking crowded venue decided that i was the winner, wtf!! the audience (that monster of one-thousand heads) connected with my frankenstein. mama!! i won! …it’s so weird, so many lonely days facing this freak-song, my own demons, and then a couple of hours surrounded by a crowd spelling your name. this is so crazy, but beautiful.
it seems i will play a full concert there. that would be my joy of child. but what i appreciate most, what really touched me… is that the sound technician approached me, and said my shit works and sounds like charm. that he had never seen something like that before. fuck!! fuck! fuck!! hey! these guys have seen everything!! if they say it, i must believe i am becoming a fucking musician. i must cry a river. i’m so insecure. so insecure…
thank you johanna for inviting me here and making this happen!!